Their Choices
by piper-tolkien
Summary: This is a spin off to Rose's Choices. This is what I think would have happened if Rose picked Adrian instead of Dimitri after being brought back from being Strigoi. UP FOR ADOPTION!
1. Chapter 1: His Choice

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters. They come from the fabulous mind of Richelle Mead. I am just playing with them ^^

Summery: With Dimitri's haunting words, from Rose's first encounter since Dimitri was brought back from the Strigoi state, It sends her into a state of depression. Who will be there to pick her back up?

Warnings: Self harm, Alcohol abuse, Tobacco usage.

Main pairings: Rose X Adrian, Lissa X Christian, and mentioning of Dimitri X Rose

A/N: I am using some of what Richelle Mead wrote in chapter Twenty in Spirit Bound. I just scrambled the dialogue all up, and adding some of what I thought I would feel if I were in Rose's place. THAT MEANS SPOILERS PEOPLE. Anywho, this is my first time writing a Vampire Academy fan fic, so I hope ya'll like it.

A/N2: I used Black Hole by Lindsay Lohan because I thought it was a perfect choice for this chapter. Anyways don't forget to review. Tell me if you want me to continue the story or not.

Chapter 1: His Choice

I found that box of lettersLying on the groundThe ones you used to write me before it all went downI even got a papercut trying to figure outWhat to do with all these memoriesAnd you're not who you used to beAnd I wonder where your goneHave you fallen in a black hole?Somewhere there's a universe of missing stuffWhat happened to the good times?What happened to the moments where we had so much?Where's the love? Remember all those hours laughing on the floorThose days of doing nothing fell like nothing did beforeI don't need those sneakers or that money after allI'll trade them for old message you've called'Cause it's not how we used to feelAnd I wonder what went wrongHave you fallen in a black hole?Somewhere there's a universe of missing stuffWhat happened to the good times?What happened to the moments where we felt so much?Where's the love?I wanna go there, and I wanna know whereEverything that meant something to me is allI found that box of letters, used to make me smileBut now I feel so lonelyHave you fallen in a black hole?Somewhere there's a universe of missing stuffWhat happened to the good times?What happened to the moments where had so much?A black holeSomewhere there's a univere of missing stuffWhat happened to the good times?What happened to the moments where we had so much?Where's the love? Has he fallen in a black hole?

From the moment I stepped foot where Dimitri was being held, fear ate at me, something was about to go down and it wasn't going to be good. With Mikhail at my side in front of Dimitri's cell, and the guardians at the entrance of the cell block, I felt comforted, alone and fear at the same time. Comforted that Mikhail was by my side. I felt alone for the first time since I fell in love with Dimitri, because he chose Lissa over _me_. Fear was my biggest and most strongest emotion.

I knew in my heart that something wasn't right. And yet everything in this situation, this awful situation, wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like this. His demanding to not let anyone let me down here sent up red flags in my mind. Little did I know, things were only going to get worse from this point on.

His holding Lissa in such high regard sent anger and jealousy through me. Lissa was _not _his savior! Maybe she was the actual person that brought him back, but the rest of it was all _me_.

"How do you think she got to that point? Hmmm?" I demanded. "How do you think she learned how to save you? Do you have ANY idea what _I _had to go through to get that information? YOU. OWE. ME." I was harsh. But I needed a reaction out of him. Any reaction would do.

Turning to face me, Dimirti got up quickly and gracefully and walked towards me with deadly grace. When came up ten feet from the bars he stopped. He looked at me in what appeared to be amazement. Awe, perhaps too? Or maybe it was that feeling that I always got when I saw him? Because now, I was pretty sure that he was experiencing the same thing that I had earlier, now that he was truly seeing me with his own eyes once more. It was like one of those moments when people talk about love at first sight. This was it, only it was happening all over again.

Because as we stared at one another, every part of our relationship flashed before my mind's eye. I could tell he was reliving it too. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It was only a year that we had known each other, but we had lived a life time in it.

He was realizing that too, I knew, as he studied every inch of me. Taking in every single detail of my features and filing them away. The way that Dimitri was looking at me, it confirmed something that I already knew. He loves me. The feeling that he had as my instructor, the feelings that he had when he was Strigoi that had become twisted, and the feelings that he was feeling now. They were still there.

Maybe Lissa was his savior, and maybe the whole Court thought she was a goddess. But I knew, right then, no matter how I looked or how blank he _tried _to keep his face, I was a goddess to him.

Swallowing loudly and forcibly gaining control of himself, I would have smiled if things weren't so serious. Some things never change. "Then the best thing I can do," he said calmly, "is to stay away from you. That's the best way to repay the debt."

His face became a mask of anguish with a far off look in his eyes, like he was reliving something terrible that only he could see. I wanted to get through the bars and hug him, to tell him that everything was going to be alright. When he looked at me again, his guardian mask was back up, showing no emotion. I knew better though. I know him better than anyone, and I also know that he was consumed by guilt.

"What I did to you, everything that I _wanted _to do to you, there can be no forgiveness for me." His eyes were cast downward now. The sadness and guilt that he was feeling was radiating off him in waves.

"But you weren't you! I saved you Dimitri, and you aren't going to do it now. So please let it go. Let me help you let it go. It doesn't matter to me about what you did," I pleaded.

"It matters to me!" He shouted. After regaining his control he continued, his voice full of emotion. "It matters to me. You don't get it Rose, you can't understand what it's like knowing what I did. The guilt that comes with it. The whole time being a Strigoi… killing for the thrill, for the fun of it. I can remember it all so clearly, even though it seemed like a dream." He took a deep breath, and I knew what was coming next. "And what happened with you? I remember most of all." His blinking became rapped, and I knew that he was trying to hold back his tears. Mine on the other hand were running freely down my face.

"Oh Dimitri," I sighed, again the feeling to go to him was overwhelming. "We can get you help. I love you and I would do anything for you. I proved that, by bringing you back. We can get through this together. After they let you out,"

He interrupted me, and the next word that came out of his mouth was like a warm blanket being wrapped around me.

"_Roza,_" The nickname piercing my heart.

I knew that he slipped up, knowing he didn't mean to call me that. A twisted smile formed on his lips. Not the one that he had when he was Strigoi, no, this was all Dimitri, and one without humor.

"Do you really think that they are going to let me out of here? It'll be a miracle if they let me live!"

"I don't believe that. It's not true. Once they realized that you've changed, that you are really your old self, everything…"

"If you say that _everything will be okay_, I am going to scream. Because guess what Rose, everything is _not _okay." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, sighing loudly, shaking his head sadly. "Your optimism, your belief that you can make everything alright, that you can make anything happen. Oh, Rose. It's one of the most amazing and most frustrating things about you."

I frowned, shaking my head. "I believed that you could come back from being a Strigoi." I pointed out. "Maybe my belief in the impossible isn't so crazy after all."

This conversation, no matter how heart breaking, kept reminding me of our practice sessions. He'd try to convince me of some serious point, and I'd counter it with my logic. I knew he was trying to do that now, but this was no practice session. This was serious, as in life or death, serious.

"I am grateful for what you did." He said finally, still struggling to keep his emotions in check. Another trait we shared, both of us always working to stay in control. "And I do owe you, but it is a debt I can't pay. Like I said before, the best thing I can do for you is to stay out of your life."

My anger swelled once more. "And yet you offered to repay Lissa by staying by her side forever!"

"I didn't do the things…" He averted his eyes for a moment, once again trying to keep control over his emotions, then met my eyes once more. "I didn't do the things to her that I did to you."

"I _don't _care about the things that you did to me!" I had to make him understand, even if my voice was harsh. "The fact of the matter is that you are you again. And I _know_ that you wouldn't do _anything _to hurt me. I love you, just like you love me!"

"No." He said with just as much harshness.

"_What_?_ What did you just say_?"

"You heard me. I said no. I _don't _love you anymore. You don't understand what it's like, coming through what I did. Coming back from being a Strigoi. It's not just what I did to you was unforgivable, all my feelings, my emotions for you…they changed. Everything changed. I don't feel the way I used to. I can't, _I don't_, love you. Not anymore. There's nothing between you and me."

My blood ran cold. I refused to believe his words. Even though he was telling me that he didn't love me anymore, I know it's a lie. I know him better than anyone, even his family. The fact of the matter is, that even though he might be putting up a good show, I know that he still loves me. Especially considering the way he looked at me earlier.

I threw myself against the bars. Reaching one arm through the bars. It was a long ways away from ever reaching him, but if I could just touch him, one touch was all I needed. "You love me! I know you do!"

"Guards!" Dimitri shouted, "Get her out of here. _Get her out of here!_"

With amazing guardian reflexes, the guards were down at the cell in a flash. As a prisoner, Dimitri wasn't in a position to make requests, but the guards certainly weren't going to encourage this situation so it would get out of hand and cause a commotion. They began herding Mikhail and me out, but as usual I resisted. I wasn't going to go anywhere until things were as they should be.

"No wait," I said holding onto the bars. I wasn't about to fight the guards, but I wasn't about to leave either. Mikhail put a hand on my shoulder, "Don't fight them," he murmured in my ear. "Our time is running out, and you can't accomplish anything else today, he has already closed up. He wont talk anymore today."

Ever the voice of reason, I thought, I let go of the bars. Letting the guards direct me out of the cell block, but not before I gave Dimitri one last look. A look that said that this wasn't over. Dimitri on the other hand had on his perfect guardian-blank look on his face. But the piercing look that he gave me, made me certain that there was a lot going on within him.

As soon as we were outdoors I ran to the only place that I could have solitude. My room. I _was not_ going to cry in front of Mikhail, or anyone else for that matter.


	2. Chapter 2: Her Choice

Chapter 2: Her Choice

A/N: I would like to thank Snowgirl213 for reviewing!

I cried for what seemed like days. It was like my heart was breaking into a million pieces, with one sentence going through my mind over and over. _Dimitri doesn't love me._ I didn't feel alive anymore. It was like I died in that cell block. At some point I must have blacked out, because at one point I was on the bed crying, then the next in the bathroom, with my arms all bloody.

There was a destroyed razor on the floor and one razor blade in my hand. I felt ready to pass out, and for a few hours I did. When I came to, I was in bed with Lissa beside me. She was cleaning my wounds.

After realizing for a second time what I did, I screamed at her to get out. I knew that she was only trying to help, but at that moment, I didn't _want or need_ her help. I felt guilty about what I did to myself. I was becoming what Lissa had already gone through. I would have accepted her help, if Dimitri had accepted me.

"I am only trying to help." She said, echoing my thoughts. Lissa was about ready to burst into tears.

"I don't want or need _your _help! Now, I am asking you nicely this time, please, get out."

Lissa put her hands slowly in the air, signaling her surrender. "Alright Rose, I will leave for now, but if this happens again I am going to get you help. Weather you want it or not."

She was out of the room in a flash, and I didn't need to go into her head to know where she was going. _She's going to go see Dimitri. _My inner voice said. _You have to stop her, she can't know that you went down to see Dimitri. _

I knew my inner voice was right. I couldn't let her see him. Quickly changing out of my dress that was now ruined, I put on a long sleeve shirt and pants. I also redid my make-up. I _was not_ going to let anyone see me like this. Lissa was enough. Walking out of my room, I thought better of it. She would get suspicious and find out that I went to see Dimitri anyways. I couldn't let that happen. Not with Mikhail's job on the line.

So I decided to see Adrian. My boyfriend, who had I been seeing since I got back from Siberia. I knew I couldn't tell him what had happened, but on the other hand, he always knew how to distract me.

Walking down to the bar, where the restaurants were, I found him, as I thought, he was sitting at one of the tables, alone, left to his own thoughts. When I approached his table, he smiled a real smile for once, rather than his usual smirk. A waiter came up to me as soon as I was in my seat, I ordered a glass of ice with a small bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Little dhampir, I am surprised to see you drinking." Adrian said with a shocked look on his face.

I laughed for the first time today. It was a bitter laugh, but a laugh none the less. "I forget that you didn't know me back when I was at the academy, and before I ran away with Lissa." I smiled thinking of all the parties that we went to. "I could party with the rest of the royals at the academy. Man those were some good times."

He seemed confused. "So that's what this is about? To have a good time? Nothing is wrong?"

"Yes, yes and no. In that order." The last part was a lie, but I wasn't about to tell him that. I wasn't about to pour my heart out to Adrian. He wasn't Dimitri…and he would never be. Keeping an easy smile on my face was harder than I thought, but I managed. He must have been here for a while, or else he would have been able to see right through me. For the first time since we got together, I was glad that he had been drinking.

The waiter came back with my order and after pouring a shot in my glass, I downed it in one gulp. When I looked up, again Adrian looked surprised if not a little concerned as well. "What?" I asked matching his surprise. "You act as if you never seen a girl drink."

He laughed a little. "Not like you, I haven't. I have never seen you drink Jack Daniels, and for another, I have never seen you down a drink so fast. If I recall correctly, you used to like to enjoy your drink."

"Like I said before, you didn't know me back when…" I stopped, a lump forming in my throat. Swallowing it, I continued. "When I didn't have any responsibilities. And since they don't have me filing or shoveling dirt around, and Lissa is safe, I guess that means it's party time."

Again Adrian looked confused, but also a little conflicted. I knew what ever was about to come out of his mouth, I wasn't going to like.

"Right about now I thought that you would be arguing with the guards again to let you in to see Dimitri."

I sighed, I knew that I was going to have to lie, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "I decided that I would respect his wishes. If he doesn't want me to see him, then that's the way that it's going to be." He looked like he was about to interrupt what I was going to say, so I held my hand up to silence him. "That doesn't mean that I am going to give up on him, but it does mean that I am going to give him some time. Besides, I meant what I said before I left for the fight, that even though Dimitri is back, that doesn't mean I am going to give up on us."

Most of what I said was true. I did mean it when I told Adrian that. Besides Dimitri made his choice, and now I am making mine. From hear on out I wont think about Dimitri. It's going to be about Adrian. It's not about the past anymore, it was about living in the now. Nodding to myself I poured myself another shot and let it cool.

When I looked up at Adrian, I almost laughed. _Almost. _His face was of pure shock. Then he did the most surprising thing. He laughed! He was laughing big wholesome laughs. I smiled, but was confused. Why on earth was he laughing. "What on _earth _is so funny Adrian?"

My question just sent him into another fit of laughter. I gave him a death glare. "Are you laughing at me?" When he nodded, to say I was pissed didn't even cover it. I was outraged. He was laughing at me! "Adrian Ivashkov! How dare you laugh at me!"

Forgetting about my drink, I quickly got up and left the table. Running back towards my room, again tears started to flow down my face. Again my make-up was in ruins. Shaking my head, I opened the door, stepping in and slamming it. Leaning my back against the door, I slowly slid to the floor, burrowing my head in my hands.

What on _earth _HAD I been thinking? No one would love me. Not Rosemarie Hathaway the flake, the fake. First with Dimitri telling me that he doesn't love me, then to top it off Adrian laughs at me when I tell him that I want to be with him.

Was it so painfully obvious that I was kind of lying? I shook my head. But I hadn't been lying about that. Both times when I said it. I wasn't lying. Sobbing, I gave up. On life, on everything.

There was a soft knocking on my door that was becoming more urgent. Obviously I couldn't hear it through my sobbing. Whipping my tears away, I stood up and answered the door.

Standing at the door was both Lissa and Adrian. From the look on Adrian's face it looked like Lissa told him about what I did earlier with the razor. And Lissa looked like she went down to see Dimitri like I thought she would, and found out about our conversation. I don't know how much she knew but, it seemed to me that what ever Dimitri told her, she was able to put the pieces together.

Looking at Adrian again, I knew that we would have to talk. But Lissa was someone that I didn't want to see, at all, at this point. I couldn't bare to look at her when it reminded me of Dimitri. _He made his choice. _

There looks changed from out right worried to relief. Since I didn't have bloody arms, I guess they would be relieved. At last I said, "Adrian you may come in, but Lissa is not allowed."

Lissa was out right shocked at what I said, then finally nodded. She knew that Adrian and I needed to talk, and she wasn't needed at the moment. She walked off without saying a word. After she disappeared from our view, Adrian threw his arms around me. Pulling me close, he kissed my forehead.

"We need to talk." Was all he said.

I nodded and gently to his hand and lead him into the room and closed the door.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.I get a notion from the look in your eyes, 've built a love but that love falls little piece of heaven turns too dark. Listen to your heartwhen he's calling for to your heartthere's nothing else you can do.I don't know where you're goingand I don't know why,but listen to your heartbefore you tell him goodbye. Sometimes you wonder if this fight is precious moments are all lost in the tide, 're swept away and nothing is what is seems,the feeling of belonging to your dreams. Listen to your heartwhen he's calling for to your heartthere's nothing else you can do.I don't know where you're goingand I don't know why,but listen to your heartbefore you tell him goodbye. And there are voicesthat want to be much to mentionbut you can't find the scent of magic,the beauty that's beenwhen love was wilder than the to your heartwhen he's calling for to your heartthere's nothing else you can do.I don't know where you're goingand I don't know why,but listen to your heartbefore you tell him goodbye. Listen to your heart, mm-mmmmmmI don't know where you're goingand I don't know why,but listen to your heartbefore you tell him goodbye.

A/N2: The song at the end of this chapter is called Listen To Your Heart by DHT. I think it's the perfect song for Rose saying good-bye to Dimitri.


	3. Chapter 3: Coming Clean

Chapter 3: Coming Clean

Let's go backBack to the beginningBack to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfectTrying to fit a square into a circlewas my lifeI defyLet the rain fall downAnd wake my dreamsLet it wash awayMy sanity'Cause I wanna feel the thunderI wanna screamLet the rain fall downI'm coming clean, I'm coming cleanI'm sheddingShedding every colorTrying to find a pigment of truthBeneath my skin'Cause differentDoesn't feel so differentAnd going out is betterThen always staying inFeel the windI'm coming cleanLet the rain fallLet the rain fallI'm coming...Let's go backBack to the beginning

Running his hands up my arms caused my long sleeves to rise up. He gasped and I flinched. Not only because of the pain that I was now aware of but because of the anguish on his face. Tears started to run down my face once more. I haven't cried this much in my entire life. And now it was like I couldn't stop. A sob escaped me before Adrian could wrap his arms around me.

"Shh, Rose, everything is going to be alright." He managed to get out before he started to choke up. Leading me to my bed, Adrian picked me up and laid me down onto the bed. Taking off his shoes, he laid down with me, facing me.

He could be such a gentlemen sometimes. Realizing that he really did love me, it broke my heart all over again. But this time it was breaking, not because of him, but for him. I wished that I had realized this earlier, sooner, maybe then things would be different. But I couldn't change the past, even though now I wish I could. But I meant what I said about not giving up on us. I also meant it when I said that I would give him a chance. So far I hadn't really given him a fair chance. He sacrificed so much for me, and still is.

Like his smoking and drinking, but I had also realized something else. He quit collage to get close to me. Has been there for me in the times that I needed him the most. Another round of sobs came, I knew that I needed him now more than ever.

With the darkness that came with spirit, that came from Lissa, was now taking it's toll on me. With all the spirit that Lissa had used while her, Eddie and I were in Alaska and Los Vegas, and then with bringing Dimitri back to life, the darkness was getting to me. More now than it ever has.

Curling up with him, I cried for everything that I had put him through. That I was still putting him through. Whipping my tears away, I looked up at him, and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. And God help me, I smiled. It was a small smile, but a smile none the less.

"Thank you." I said quietly, with the smile on my face.

He tilted his head to the side, confused once again. "For what, Rose?"

When he used my name, instead of my usual nickname, my smile became bigger. "For what?" I laughed a little, and gave him a kiss on the nose. Shaking my head, my smile became even bigger. "For loving me. For protecting me and being there for me, especially when I needed you the most. Even though I put you through hell, time and time again. It's amazing that you still do love me, after using you, and then not really giving you a fair shot…" I stopped for a second noticing what I had said, all the sudden I desperately needed confirmation that he still loved me. "You do still love me don't you?"

Fear over what happened at the bar, swept over me. I don't think I could take it if he laughed at me again. I may still love Dimitri, but I wasn't in love with him anymore. And yet I wasn't angry with him either anymore. I was so stupid to be mad at Lissa, when she had no control over the situation. But Dimitri made his choice. As for me, I had made mine as well. Even if that meant earning Adrian's love again, if that was the case.

He must have read the emotions on my face, all the fear, worry and anguish, because now he was totally serious. "Rose, oh Rose." Adrian's face now turning into anguish. "I wish that I never laughed at you. I was just so shocked, and I admit that I was a little drunk, I just found it funny that the girl that I had been chasing for months, the girl I love, was admitting that she still wanted to be together with me. I found it hard to believe, but when I saw your reaction, and you ran away from me, I knew that you were telling the truth. But as I was running to find you, I ran into Lissa. She told me…" Adrian choked up again, I had a vague idea of what he was going to say. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. "She told me how she had found you earlier, and that you had lost a fair amount of blood. I was picturing it all in my head as she described what you had done. Dear lord, I panicked. I don't know what made you do that in the first place, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let it happen again. Not because of me."

Adrian sighed and pulled me close to him, kissing the top of my head. Tilting my face up with his finger, he looked deep into my eyes. I am not sure what he found there, but I guess it was enough to give him courage to continue. "I am in love with you Rose. I have been since the first time I met you. I will always be, no matter what, and I'll fight for you if I have to."

Tears started to run down my face once more, but they were tears of joy. I smiled a broad grin. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I held back, there was more that needed to be said. "You don't know how happy that makes me. God, Adrian, I was so scared that I had lost your love too. That maybe, all that I did to you, you might have changed your mind. That maybe I wasn't worth it. And God knows that I am not worthy of it. After all I put you through…"

He interrupted me. "Don't you _ever _let me hear that you aren't worthy Rosemarie Hathaway." His voice both low and stern. "Do you really think that poorly of yourself?" He looked at me with concern.

"Well with what was said during my conversation with Dimitri, and what happened with you at the bar, then yes, I do." I cast my eyes downward, at the fact that I just admitted to going to see Dimitri, I didn't want to look at his face. Knowing that I had been caught in a lie, again.

"You went to see Dimitri?" I nodded to his question, "Well that was to be expected." Adrian sighed, "What did he say?"

To say that I was surprised didn't even cover it. I was out right shocked. I definitely didn't expect this kind of reaction out of him. Looking up at him once more, I found his face calm but filled with layers of concern. He knew that what ever went down, it wasn't good and that it caused me a lot of pain.

"Do you want the long or short version?"

"What ever you are willing to say that wont cause you pain will do."

I sighed, and I decided to tell him the whole truth this time. I wasn't going to lie anymore. Not to him. I owed him that much.

And it took a good forty-five minutes to get him caught up. At least where Dimitri was concerned. I also told him about what I had been thinking as far as Dimitri. Like the fact that I wasn't in love with him anymore. That he made his choice, just like I had made mine.

"So you are really choosing me over him?" He sounded like he really couldn't believe it. That I was really going to choose him over Dimitri.

This time I had to be the one to be serious. "Yes, I really am. It's time that I go on with my life, without Dimitri holding me back this time. I got the answer I needed, although it was harsh, it was what I really needed to hear. But I'm giving you fair warning, it might take me awhile before I am over the spirits darkness. And even though I'm not in love with Dimitri anymore, he broke my heart and it's going to take some time to mend."

"Rose, I'll be here for you no matter what. I will always love you and I will wait until you are ready to be with me. I'll do my best to help you fight the darkness and mend your heart." He said kissing the top of my head.

"Thank you." I whispered, then I kissed him. I meant for it to be short, but as soon as my lips met his, electricity went through me.

It was nothing I had ever experienced with Dimitri. Slowly my tongue slipped out of my mouth and traced his bottom lip. Adrian seemed to battle with his inner emotions before giving into the kiss.

Opening his mouth my tongue slipped inside. We both moaned, since this was the first time we had kissed like this. From there the kiss became more heated, each of us battling for dominance, giving in after a few minutes. Pulling his tongue away from mine caused me to whimper at the loss of contact. Then he did something I had never experienced before. He started to suck on my tongue. I began to moan louder, my god it felt so wonderful.

Wrapping my arms around his neck I pulled him closer to me. Then I did something that even surprised me. I wrapped one of my legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to me. I guess it became to much for him because he let go of my tongue. Adrian was breathing hard and so was I. Leaning his forehead against mine he smiled and kissed me lightly on the nose.

I smiled the most biggest grin. I realized that I loved this man. I might not be in love with him, yet, but I knew that it wouldn't take that long. Looking deep into his eyes I saw lust, pure happiness and love. Suddenly out of the blue I told him, "I love you Adrian Ivashkov."


	4. Chapter 4: It's Not Over

Chapter 4: It's Not Over

I was blown could I say?It all seemed to make 've taken away everything,And I can't deal with that.I try to see the good in life,But good things in life are hard to 'll blow it away, blow it we make this something good?Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.I'll try to do it right this time 's not over.'Cause a part of me is dead and in the love is killing me,But you're the only 's not all I could take,And I cannot 're wasting too much timeBeing strong, holding 't let it bring us life with you means everything,So I won't give up that easily.I'll blow it away, blow it we make this something good?'Cause it's all , I'll try to do it right this time 's start over.I'll try to do it right this time 's not over.'Cause a part of me is dead and in the love is killing me,But you're the only 's not can't let this get it out, let it 't get caught up in it 's start over.I'll try to do it right this time 's not over.'Cause a part of me is dead and in the love is killing me,But you're the only 's not 's start 's not over, yeah...This love is killing me,But you're the only 's not over.

"Did you say what I thought you said?" Adrian inquired.

Now I was confused. "Yes."

Shaking his head he sighed. "You don't have to say that just to please me."

I was shocked. "Adrian, you know I wouldn't say anything without meaning it. I know that I love having you in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you. You have been there for me in ways that no one else has, ever since Dimitri became a Strigoi. You heard what I said, I'm not giving up on us. Even if that means that I have to earn your trust back."

He looked deep into my eyes for a few minutes. His face full of love, pride, shock and finally acceptance. Adrian nodded, then got up out of the bed.

"Adrian, where are you going?" I asked. "Do you not believe me?"

"It's not that I don't believe you Rose, I just need some time to think, and I think you do too. I don't want you to make a decision when you are depressed over Dimitri. I love you Rose, but I don't want you to be with me when you haven't fully had time to think about what you are saying."

I looked down feeling a lump growing in my throat. "Okay." I listened to him put on his shoes and walk out the door. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and I started to cry. When I finished crying I knew then what I had to do. Getting up out of my bed, I went to the bathroom to brush my hair and reapply my make-up.

After walking out of my room, I called Mikhail and asked him to meet me by the place where they were holding Dimitri. We got there at the same time.

"What's wrong Rose?" Mikhail asked.

"I need to get in to see Dimitri. Has it been enough time that I can see him again?"

"Actually he isn't in his cell anymore, he's getting interrogated by some of the guardians in the court yard."

"Is it almost over? The interrogation?"

"It should be over by the time you get there."

"Thanks Mikhail." I started to run towards the courtyard. I'm not sure exactly what I was going to say, but I knew that I was going to make sure that he knew how I felt about everything.

Once I got there Dimitri was standing with a few guardians and Lissa. Lissa turned towards me and suddenly I didn't know if I could do this. He must have gotten his freedom and I couldn't ruin that for him. I might be angry with him right now, but I wasn't about to start a shouting match with him. So I turned on my heel and instead I went to the gym.

After a few hours of staking dummy Strigoi's and punching a punching bag, and my anger had not gone away, I decided a few miles around the track would do me some good.

As I began my second mile around the track it started to rain. It felt good on my hot body, and cleared my head. I started thinking about what Adrian had said, about needing some time to think. He was right.

Maybe I shouldn't have told him that I love him so soon. Although I knew in my heart that I really did love him, I knew that I wasn't in love with him yet. What I couldn't understand was why Adrian wouldn't or couldn't believe me. I spilled my heart out to him and told him everything that I had been feeling. It was the truth for Christ sake.

The rain was coming down hard and it was completely dark outside. Plus I had already ran six miles, and I was soaked completely, I started walking to my room.

Once inside my room I started to undress until I heard a cough. It was a man's cough and one that I would know anywhere. Not looking up I pulled my shirt back on, "Geez Dimitri, just let yourself in why don't you?" Looking up I saw that Dimitri was blushing, something I have never seen him do.

"Sorry," he shrugged. Looking away from me he continued. "I was thinking when I heard you come in."

I lifted an eyebrow and put my hands on my hips, "About what?"

Dimitri looked at me again, his face full of anguish. "About what I said to you when you came down to see me in my cell." Taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly he continued. "I wanted to talk to you about that."

I sighed, shaking my head. "There is nothing to say Dimitri."

"Rose please listen,"

"No Dimitri! I am done listening to you. What you said in there was enough. You made your choice, and I have made mine."

"What do you mean 'You made your choice and I have made mine'?"

I sighed, god knows he isn't that daft. "You said that there wasn't anything between us anymore. Well you are right, there's not."

His face was full of anguish again. "I lied."

"_Excuse me, _what did you say?" For some reason I was mad. No, not mad, furious. "You _lied _to _me_?"

"Yes." Dimitri admitted, lowering his head.

"Why?"

"Because…" He looked up at me again, "Because…I don't know why? Okay? I was so ashamed of what I did to you, everything I wanted to do to you. I told Lissa and the guards not to let you in and some how you still managed. When you came in I thought you were going to look at me with disgust or fear. That's why I didn't want you to see me. And yet when I saw you…" Dimitri sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You were looking at me with so much love and compassion, yet I could sense fear in you. I thought you were afraid of me, so that's why I lied. I would rather you be afraid of me and not love me, than be afraid of me and love me."

"Dimitri you are stupid. Do you know that doesn't even make sense?"

Dimitri frowned. "It made sense in my mind." He sighed, "But it's not the point and you know it."

I was getting tired of this and on top of that I was cold. "Dimitri, can we talk about this after I have a shower? I am cold, and tired from working out so can this wait?"

"Sure. I'll wait for you in the living room on the couch." Walking out of the room towards the couch.

I grabbed some clothes not even looking at what I was grabbing, out of my pajama drawer, and walked into the bathroom. After taking off my soaked clothes I took off the bandages and looked at my cuts. They were pretty deep and still had a little blood coming out of them. Sighing I turned on the water to as hot as I could stand it and got in.

I can't believe that Dimitri lied to me. After everything that we have been through he still lies to me and himself about what he is feeling. Some how I knew when I walked into the cell block that something bad was going to happen. I didn't know that breaking my heart was going to be it though. Or maybe I did know and wasn't being honest with myself. Either way it still really hurt.

When I got out of the shower I washed my face and dried my hair. Dressing in flannel pajama pants and a plain bra and tank top. Walking out of the bathroom and towards the living room. I sat down on my favorite love seat waiting for Dimitri to continue.

Dimitri looked up at me and frowned. "Rose what happened to your arms?"

Looking down I wrapped my arms around myself. "It's nothing."

"Don't tell me it's nothing Rose. Did you do this to yourself?"

"Yes. I don't remember doing it though, most likely because I blacked out." Tears started forming in my eyes and I tried to hold them back but they started to flow anyways.

Dimitri sighed. "When did this happen?"

Sighing, I looked up to see his face full of anguish, love and compassion. "I'm not sure. I just know that it was sometime after I saw you."

Dimitri's face was full of out right shock. "Oh god Rose. I am so sorry. If I could turn back time I would. I wouldn't have lied to you. Please believe me. I love you Rose and I know that you love me. We can fix this if you just give me a chance."

I can't believe he thought that I would give him another chance! "No, Dimitri, you had your chance. And you are wrong. I don't love you. Love fades, mine has."

There were tears in his eyes now. I have never seen him like this before, he looked so lost and broken. But I had to tell him how I was feeling, even if that meant breaking his heart.

"But you said that you didn't care what happened in Siberia. That you still loved me. I don't understand how you can say that. Love doesn't just go away like that."

I nodded. "Your right, it takes time. Ever since I thought I killed you in Siberia, my love started to fade. But once I started to get your letters my heart started breaking. And you know who was there to pick up the pieces?" Dimitri shook his head. "Adrian. He was there for me. Adrian _loves _me Dimitri. And he doesn't play this hot and cold game like you do. He doesn't lie to me about what he is feeling and he doesn't lie to himself either."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying that I have been dating Adrian since I got back from Siberia. I am saying that I am in love with him."

"If that's who you want to be with then that's okay." Dimitri said as he stood up. "But Rose, know this, I am going to fight for you." And with that, he walked out of my living room and out of my apartment.


	5. Chapter 5: Interesting News

**Chapter 5:**

**After Dimitri left I went straight to bed. For the first time I didn't dream of anything. For the first time in months it felt like I got a whole nights sleep. Or at least it felt that way. **

**I was woken up by the sounds of persistent knocking at my door. Although I didn't want to get out of bed I knew that I couldn't stay and think over everything that has happened in the last couple of days. For another, it could have been Adrian or Dimitri at the door since I could not sense Lissa there. I knew that I could no longer hide from the world like I wanted to. So I got out of bed and made my way to the door.**

**To my surprise it was Adrian. I didn't think that he would be here so soon after everything that was said between us yesterday. Looking at him now I noticed that he had a black eye and his clothes were in disarray. **

"**Oh my! Did you get into a fight with someone?" I asked, hoping that he wasn't going to say that he got into a fight with Dimitri. **

"**With Dimitri, yeah. He told me that you chose me over him and that you were in love with me. But that's not why I am here. I am here because my aunt would like to see us. So put this on and I'll wait out here."**

"**That's ridiculous Adrian. You can wait in the living room." I said pulling him inside.**

**After pulling him inside and shutting the door, he gave me the clothes that I would need to wear to see the queen. Walking into the bathroom I wondered what this was all about. I knew that Tatiana and I didn't get along very well so it was possible that she was going to chastise me for being with Adrian again, considering that I told him that I loved him and wanted to be with him.**

**But I think it was more than that. After I got dressed in a black dress with long sleeves that Adrian had picked out for me, we were out the door and on our way to see the Queen.**

**Once Adrian and I were in the meeting room with Queen Tatiana, who was of course flanked by her Guardians. To our surprise she shooed them away. Once they were gone she turned around and smiled at us, like she was truly happy to see us.**

"**Please sit." Tatiana said while still smiling. Once we were seated she continued. **

"**First I would like to apologize to you Rose."**

"**For what?"**

"**Well, I know it wasn't right to chastise you for dating my nephew. I can see that you make him happy. All I wanted was for Adrian to be happy and he seems to be very happy with you. I would also like to congratulate you on getting him to stop smoking and drinking almost completely."**

**I smiled at her "Thank you and I accept your apology your majesty." **

**She nodded, still smiling she added, "Please call me Tatiana." Turning her smiling face towards Adrian, "And I believe you have something to ask me?"**

"**Yes I do actually, aunt Tatiana. I was wondering if you could set it up for Rose and I to have a private dinner at her favorite restaurant?"**

"**I think I could handle that." She stopped suddenly and tapped her finger to her chin for a few minutes, as if trying to remember something. When her eyes went wide, Tatiana smiled once more. "Oh and Rose I want to personally congratulate you on becoming a true Guardian. I want you to know that you will be partnered with the now free Dimitri Belikov. Your assignment will be Vasilisa Dragomir. There will be a ceremony for you as well as the other late bloomers, and officially receive your assignment." **

**My eyes went wide in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Stumbling on my thank you, she bid us good-bye and when we were out of the queen's personal tea room I started jumping for joy and hugged Adrian. **

"**Did you know anything about this?" I asked him.**

"**No, and I didn't influence anyone either, although I would have put in a good word for you but then you would have been disappointed if I did. You did it all on your own Rose." He smiled and kissed my forehead. **

"**Yeah I would have been disappointed, but this is exciting news. This was the job I always wanted, to over see Lissa I mean. I was born for this."**

"**Yes you were, and I don't doubt that you can keep her safe." He smiled his real smile again that made my heart melt. **

**We started walking through the halls and headed towards Lissa's room. I couldn't wait to tell her what had just happened. But on the other hand working with Dimitri will be hard, I will have to get him to understand that I am with Adrian now.**

"**So why are we going to a private dinner tonight?" **

"**It's a surprise, little Dhampir." Smiling widely at me.**


	6. Chapter 6: Confessions of a Broken Heart

Chapter 6: Confessions Of A Broken Heart

When we got to Lissa's room Dimitri, Eddie and Christian were already there. I hugged Lissa tightly and asked if I could speak with her alone. She nodded and we went into her room.

Lissa looked confused. It was probably because the fact that I haven't been treating her all that well. I sighed.

"Lissa, I am so sorry for the way I have been treating you. I was hurt that Dimitri picked you over me, but I realized that is not your fault."

"It's okay Rose, really. I understand. But there is something else on your mind also, so spill." She said smiling.

"Well I need to get Dimitri to understand that I don't love him anymore. Or at least not in the way I used to. Besides now that we both got the jobs that we wanted it's going to be difficult if he doesn't realize that."

"What do you mean that you guys got the jobs that you wanted?"

"Oh," I giggled, "Dimitri and I got the job to become your Guardians."

"Oh. My. God! Really?"

I nodded.

"Rose this is going to be so great!" Lissa hugged me again smiling for a second before it turned into a frown. "What do you mean that you don't love Dimitri the way you used to?" She asked whispering.

"Well, remember after I got back from Siberia?"

"Yeah…" She answered looking confused.

"I thought I had kill Dimitri in Siberia. Then he stated sending me letters and my heart was breaking all over again. At one point he made me promise him that if he ever turned Stragoi that I would kill him because he didn't want to live like that. When I thought I killed him I thought was over." I sighed then continued, "I don't know if he told you this but he used me as a blood whore after capturing me in Siberia, and when I finally got away from him, he tracked me down saying that I had a choice. Either to be turned and be his queen or be killed, I chose to be killed, but like I said that I thought I killed him and I thought it was over with."

Tears were now streaming down my face as I remembered being Dimitri's blood whore and thinking I killed him.

"When I got back from Siberia it was Adrian that picked up the pieces of my broken heart. I love him Lissa, and I would do anything for him. He has helped me so much in ways that I didn't know that anyone could. Do you understand where I am coming from?"

"Oh Rose, I really do understand, I just don't understand why you didn't tell me sooner." She hugged me tightly while I cried on her shoulder telling me that everything was going to be alright, and that's what I really need to hear.

After my tears finally stopped flowing Lissa asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," I answered, "With you and Adrian by my side I know I will be okay."


End file.
